Back to the future

From businesswoman in Monaco to successful author

In this new column, we ‘travel in time’ with UM alumni through their working lives. As children, what did they want to be when they grew up? Where do they currently work? And where do they see themselves in 10 years? This time: Saskia Kalb, alumna of the School of Business and Economics. Her financial career was off to a flying start, but a burnout eventually changed her life...

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

Saskia: “Not a writer! As a child I was scared of other children because they can be sweet but also mercilessly cruel. That’s why animals became my safe haven. Becoming a veterinarian was my dream. I did write in a journal back then, and I still do. Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve suffered from an anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and I've always written down everything in my journal that gave me more insights into this.”

“Because of expectations within my family, I decided in the end to study (business) economics. Actually, I wanted to go to Rotterdam, but my psychologist thought Maastricht University would suit me better. In hindsight, I’m glad he nudged me in that direction; the friendly, Burgundian culture of Maastricht suited me. And because of my anxiety disorder I didn’t have a carefree time, but I did have a nice student life. I’m especially thankful for Jean-Paul de Zoete, Marc van Well, Luc Labrouche, Branko Amory - beautiful, old Maastricht family names - and the rest of the crew of the Dikke Dragonder in the Platielstraat where I lived upstairs at the time. They took me in like a young chick under their friendly, safe wings.”

What has your career been like?

“After my studies in Maastricht, I got my diploma as a Chartered Accountant at Tilburg University. After that, I held financial positions at APB and EY Corporate Finance. I was also asked if I was interested in joining ING’s think tank - a dream job. But I said ‘no’. My husband was offered a position in Monaco and I joined him - not as a subservient woman, but because I thought leaving would be good for me. I was starting to get in over my head with my career because of my sensitive nature.”

“In Monaco, I decided to study psychology in order to understand myself better. I also went to work as a financial controller for a very wealthy family. Initially, I enormously enjoyed being on the periphery of the ‘rich and famous’. But I soon noticed that this superficial world wasn’t for me and actually increased my anxiety. Where had I ended up? I realised that I could no longer keep up the appearances of being a successful businesswoman and had a burnout. Actually, I’m someone who needs rest, nature and animals; I had strayed too far from myself.”

Where do you currently work?

‘‘My burnout forced me to really get to know myself, including all my flaws and frayed edges. I came back to my great passion, animals. I went to work for a dog shelter in Italy, and I still do that a few days a week. It’s lovely, giving those poor creatures hugs and taking walks with them. I also started reading like crazy about what different ideologies say about anxiety: biology, philosophy, psychiatry, Kabbalah, Buddhism, etc. Gradually, I realised that anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of, because an anxious character brings with it a lot of beautiful qualities. For example, scientific research shows that people are better at assessing assess risks, seeing the ‘authenticity’ of others, being empathic and altruistic, and they have good problem-solving abilities - qualities that are nice and come in handy for yourself, but that can also serve a useful function within every team on the workfloor.”

‘‘I’ve compiled that knowledge in my book De schoonheid van angst [The Beauty of Anxiety]. In the book, I’m very honest about my life story - about how I lied to myself and others by pretending to be tough, but how in reality I sometimes fainted from anxiety and started to avoid situations and people, and thus isolating myself more and more. I think it’s important to be open, in the hopes of breaking the taboo that still exists around anxiety. My book is for anyone who is anxious, or who wants to understand their child, partner or co-worker better.”

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

“Since I’m a very content person now, I don’t wish so much different for myself. I’m happy together with my loving husband and three dogs in the South of France and have some fantastic (childhood) friends. I’ve accepted my anxiety disorder as a valuable part of myself. However, it’s no longer behind the wheel, but is my ‘co-pilot’. And I now have enough tools to counter a potential panic attack, which can always happen in times of great stress. A second book is in the making. I hope that I can again help readers to be a little friendlier to themselves and others.”

“To anyone who is anxious, now or in the future, for example because of corona, I would like to say: use that anxiety to get to know yourself. And don’t try to make it go away, but look it in the eye. Anxiety can be a gift and shape your life in a positive way. As the famous philosopher Kierkegaard said: ‘Getting to know yourself is like getting to know your fears’.”

 

Text: Milou Schreuders

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